WHEN I Win Powerball on Wednesday...

"PatBateman" (PatBateman) 01/11/2016 at 13:57 • Filed to: OppoRacing

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...I will open a trust that will facilitate an Oppo Racing Team (ORT). There will be enough money to purchase a car agreed upon by “top” Opponauts*, prep it for race duty, and pay for two season’s worth of races. The rules:

1. No Miatas, or diesel station wagon,

2. Everyone signs proper waivers,

3. I am appointed “Mod Emeritus/God of All Things Oppo”, with no chance of revoking my status, ever,

4. Jalopnik Gold®,

5. The team’s battle cry will be “Yeeeeehaaaaw!!” (Non-negotiable),

6. Annual ORT egging of Gas Monkey’s Dallas location,

7. Fireworks, and

8. Everyone has fun!

So there ya go. Wish me luck, everybody!

* I’m picking out the car, because some of you jackasses would prefer to drive a Fiat over a Hellcat, and I can’t stand for that.

For Sweden > PatBateman 01/11/2016 at 14:00

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We will have Top Opponauts working on this project.

Top

Opponauts

Satoshi "Zipang" Katsura > PatBateman 01/11/2016 at 14:01

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VIVA LA FIAT

PatBateman > For Sweden 01/11/2016 at 14:03

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*Camera pans out to show crate being forklifted to massive warehouse

PatBateman > Satoshi "Zipang" Katsura 01/11/2016 at 14:04

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You see, this is what I'm talking about right here.

Birddog > PatBateman 01/11/2016 at 14:07

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My mind and body are ready to accept our new Batemanian overlord.

OPPOsaurus WRX > PatBateman 01/11/2016 at 14:07

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some suggestions:

PatBateman > Birddog 01/11/2016 at 14:11

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It will be a good world, and I will keep the ax murders down to a minimum.

Gamecat235 > PatBateman 01/11/2016 at 14:15

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Just remember the little people (like who made you an author here). ;)

And which Fiat? Because just to be spiteful and contrarian, I propose this one:

MontegoMan562 is a Capri RS Owner > PatBateman 01/11/2016 at 14:18

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I’m voting on a fleet of Mercury race cars.

PatBateman > Gamecat235 01/11/2016 at 14:20

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You’ll be involved, don’t you worry. You’re a TOpponaut.

Still can't get behind the Fiat. I'll need something with a bit more cylinders.

crowmolly > For Sweden 01/11/2016 at 14:20

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Shit, I was way too slow.

PatBateman > OPPOsaurus WRX 01/11/2016 at 14:22

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OOH! Dakar!!

Gamecat235 > PatBateman 01/11/2016 at 14:23

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It has 8 cylinders! (It’s a V8 built from two ‘Busa engines)

How many do you want?!?!

PatBateman > Gamecat235 01/11/2016 at 14:29

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ALRIGHT, FINE. It'll be in consideration. But it better sound good. But something needs to be done with that spoiler.

Ash78, voting early and often > PatBateman 01/11/2016 at 14:29

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Can I work the corners and make fun of everything that happens? Like color commentary? That’s all I’m really good at.

PatBateman > Ash78, voting early and often 01/11/2016 at 14:34

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Since we’ll be winning all the things, I'm not worried about some light-hearted commentary. You're in.

Stapleface > PatBateman 01/11/2016 at 14:41

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Why stop with opening a trust. For that kind of coin you could buy your own racetrack.

http://gearheads.org/7-race-tracks-…

Satoshi "Zipang" Katsura > PatBateman 01/11/2016 at 15:37

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What is wrong with the Fiat, senor?

Hot Takes Salesman > PatBateman 01/11/2016 at 17:20

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Step One: M6 GT3 in Oppo orange

Step Two: Win everything

Step Three: Profit

Hot Takes Salesman > PatBateman 01/11/2016 at 17:21

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Damn it, the rampant ax murder was my favorite part!

PatBateman > Hot Takes Salesman 01/11/2016 at 17:27

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I'm thinking perhaps a Porsche or an ATS.

PatBateman > Hot Takes Salesman 01/11/2016 at 17:28

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I said it will be kept to “a minimum”, which is both a subjective term and does not terminate the actions entirely.

Hot Takes Salesman > PatBateman 01/11/2016 at 17:34

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Caddilac’s makes no customer ATS-V.R’s. Of course, powerball millions are a powerful thing...

PatBateman > Hot Takes Salesman 01/11/2016 at 17:51

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Hell, we can make our own!

jvirgs drives a Subaru > PatBateman 01/11/2016 at 19:25

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Can I be Director of Accounts?

PatBateman > jvirgs drives a Subaru 01/11/2016 at 19:27

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Define this capacity. Because if it involves taking mah money, that's mah job.

jvirgs drives a Subaru > PatBateman 01/11/2016 at 21:04

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In layman’s terms: Accounting Department